Chasing Jesus

     I started chasing Jesus when I was about 16. I'm now 62 and am no closer to catching up with Him today than I was 46 years ago. Since most Christians don't seem to need to put this much effort into being saved, I  came to the conclusion that I'm simply not a Christian; I'm probably something else: Buddhist, perhaps, or Muslim, or maybe even Jewish. That makes me kind of sad because I really wanted to be a Christian. Let's get serious--who wouldn't want to be a Christian? The story not only has a happy ending, our enemies burn in hell forever. Sounds like a apt place for one or two of my ex-husbands.
     Back to my ongoing pursuit of Jesus. I probably hold some sort of world record for 'most baptized heathen in America.' Over the years, I have joined many, many churches (might be another world record there, too). Unfortunately, shortly after the baptismal waters dried I always seemed to lose sight of the prize.  and, once again, was in search of salvation. Until very recently, I couldn't figure out why Jesus was avoiding me. I've had a few theories over the years, the most disturbing one casting me as Satan's spawn. Not that I've ever worshiped the devil or sacrificed goats to Lucifer. It's true, I didn't go to confession when I was a Catholic, and I wasn't very good at fasting one Sunday a month when I was a Mormon. And, during my Baptist conversions (there have been 3), I did just about everything wrong: I invited a gay couple into my home to share a meal; I had sex (the heterosexual kind) outside of marriage; and I referred to our minister as a "feeble-minded dust mite," to his face. I truly regret that last sin because the minister was really a good man, and he certainly was not a dust mite.
      Today, while driving to Astoria, I listened to a Christian radio station and, before reaching my destination,
I finally figured something out: it isn't Christianity I have a problem with; it's Christians. That's not to say I think Christians are bad people. I don't. Hell, if I did I wouldn't want to play with them: I'd simply take my ball and find another playground. I think most Christians are genuinely good-hearted people. They have the right idea about Jesus but miss the boat when it comes to following His teachings. Listening to Christian radio for less than an hour made me crazy!  The woman being interviewed referred to the Mormon Church as a "cult."  She questioned whether or not Catholics were even Christians. She made a derogatory comment about "Moonies," and begged all "real Christians" to pray for their Jehovah Witness friends. I don't want to be the kind of Christian that judges people of other faiths. I want to be the kind of Christian who can appreciate the way everyone celebrates his or her belief in God, the kind of Christian who believes that, though each one of us are on a different path, our destination is the same.
      I had to turn the Christian radio station off. I found myself becoming angry, so clearly the message wasn't inspiring peaceful, loving feelings, at least not in this heathen's heart. I don't go to church anymore for the same reason; I don't leave services feeling uplifted. The majority of church doctrine I've been exposed to suggests that people of  the Muslim, Islamic, Buddhist and Jewish faiths are going to hell because they don't accept Jesus Christ as their personal savior. I not only don't believe that, I don't want to believe that. I'm wrong a lot, but if I'm wrong about this I don't belong in heaven. Jesus was about love and kindness and gentleness. He wanted us to seek to understand rather than be understood. At least that's my interpretation of His Teachings. So I guess I'm destined to remain a heathen.